Being alone seems in the beginning an easy way out. You do not mingle with anyone, you do not make friends, no feelings, you don’t risk of getting hurt. Then, you need to find things to do. I mean other than just attending school and everyday stuff. Really something to do to keep your mind occupied at all times. Science can be an ideal refuge, if you can find your way around it. It is like a giant maze where the further you get, the more you are trapped in it. But you never want to get out. You do not want to return back to a life without science ever again!
Fortunately, I am good at it, so, it was not just easy, it was, it is a great pleasure to get lost inside this world, to discover, to deduct, to solve, to invent. I did it all day long for the last years of my life and I keep on doing it, even now that I live with the Time Squatters. In every adventure we get involved in, I always find it useful in a practical sense. Not only because through science we get to understand what the solution to our quest is, but also because science has saved our life many times, literally!
The only thing I realized I couldn’t find in science was a friend. A human that I can relate to… but in a safe way… from far away maybe? Kids were all around me at the orphanage but I didn’t want to get close to anyone. I just needed someone older to follow, to learn by his example somehow. I realize it now. At the moment it wasn’t that clear. The thing is that science gave me a way out again! I decided to ‘get to know’ the real life of scientists of the past and follow, learn about life from them. I started reading the biographies of every scientist I could find. First, it was fascinating because through their lives I started learning all these things about ‘the old life’: the world as it was before the great floods. Then, I realized that almost all of them had serious problems to overcome in their lives, just like me. Almost all of them experienced isolation, loneliness, some had been outcasts, had been chased, driven to despair. That helped me a lot. Because suddenly I didn’t feel as if I was the most unhappy person on the earth. There were more of us. This gave me hope. These people, despite their problems managed to do remarkable things in their lives. If they did it, I could do it. There is hope!
You may find it stupid. You may thing this isn’t such a big deal! Anyone knows that, it is more than obvious.
Well, it wasn’t to me.
I had to find the courage to believe in me. And it wasn’t an easy task. So, I followed the example of the masters of science. Not with the goal to become one of them. But because even so, I found somewhere to belong to. I found a reason to carry on living inside orphanage. I discovered the lives of real people who lived like me, isolated from their surroundings, mainly because they couldn’t be understood, but were happy. This gave me a faint smile on my face and a spark in my eyes, just like keeping a secret.
Then, Phoebe met Alex and we had more secrets to keep, everyday one more, but my main secret was that I wasn’t alone any more. I had ‘friends’ I could follow, from far away, I had my fellow scientists. Remarkable people. That is why I write about their lives often. Because I am really excited to learn and share the real life behind that scientist. To share the life of some of the people I followed when I had no friends. The people I made my imaginary friends.