What is it that makes us fall for somebody? Their looks? Their attitude towards life? The way they speak? Or smile? Or look at you? And what is it that separates this kind of love from brotherly and friendly love?
I don’t hold any answers to these questions. All I know is that when you fall in love, you suddenly become more self-conscious and more aware of the world around you. You start noticing all sorts of details about the other person, you pay more attention and even the smallest word or gesture or smile can make you feel dizzy and ridiculously happy.
It doesn’t happen all at once. Or maybe I should say that it didn’t just happen all at once to me. Cause I have heard people talk about love at first sight, although I don’t really get how that can be possible. But love is weird and inexplicable and can come to you when you least expect it.
I certainly didn’t expect to fall for my best friend. I mean we kind of bonded together under strange circumstances. We’ve seen each other at our worse. We have shared all of our darkest thoughts and moments. We are practically family.
But it happened. I don’t know how. I can’t really pin down the words or the circumstances that sparked this feeling in the first place. All I can say is that bit by bit the way I thought about him changed. I started looking for excuses to spend more time with him, caught myself staring at him, I tried to look my best whenever I was around him and got irritated every time I heard him speak about other girls.
I get even more irritated now that Rosie is in our lives. She always seems to be where he is, always bombarding him with questions and asking for his opinion on everything, trying to draw his attention. And the problem is I really can’t tell whether he truly likes her or not.
And no, he doesn’t know how I feel about him. I hide it well. I mean he never gave any sign that he might see me as something more than his little sister. So, there is no point in telling him anything. It would just complicate things and make our daily interaction very uncomfortable. And I don’t want to lose my best friend just because I happened to fall for him, nor do I want things to become weird between us. That’s why I keep my mouth shut and act as if I see him only as my older brother and nothing more.
But let me tell you it’s damn difficult to keep up pretenses all the time.